We can all acknowledge that spending time with our kids is important. But are you being present with them?
It’s easy to sit down next to our children while we get stuck in a scroll hole on instagram and count that as spending time with them. But does that really count?
Now, I’m not judging if you relate. In today’s world, it’s so easy to get stuck in this trap. I’ve done it myself quite a bit. The world is changing – quickly. There’s people to see, things to do, information to read, and so much more at our fingertips. It’s easy to say we sat with them or read them a book at night before bed and say we were present.
But taking the time to slow down and be present in the moment is important.
How to be More Present with Your Kids
If you’re like most people, it might be hard to implement. In today’s post, I’ll be sharing tips to help you be more present with your kids, so you can stop guessing.
So if you’re looking for more ways to be present, keep reading.
What does it mean to be present?
Let’s take a moment to actually talk about what it means to be present. The word gets thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean?
In short, we can define being present as ENJOYING the moment we are in, rather than running on autopilot or wishing it away. It means savoring it, soaking it all in, and truly enjoying that moment in time.
After all, that exact moment will only happen the same way once. So why not enjoy it for what it is? When we are scrolling through instagram, we aren’t appreciating the fact we are sitting with our child. We are preoccupied with what Linda had for lunch, what Brenda did for her 15th wedding anniversary, and other things that really don’t matter as much. The time spent with your children should be fully present and focused on them.
Slow down and soak it all in so you can truly appreciate what’s in front of you.
Plan for quality time
Being present is nice in theory, but how on Earth do you even start being more present? Well, first is to plan for true quality time. When you plan your quality time, it doesn’t need to be long. Kids can and will be happy with 15 minutes of quality time. As we learn to be more present, the other moments will come too.
Get enough sleep
As you plan for quality time, make sure you are sleeping enough! This means getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep if you can so that you have the energy the next day. If you’re groggy and tired, you are going to have a rough time being present. Your quiet time is as valuable for you as it is for your child.
I mean… how are you going to be interested in your child’s stories when you can barely focus when they speak to you?
Get your sleep mama, it’s important.
Schedule your time with them
Your sleep is important, but it doesn’t stop there. The next piece is to actually SCHEDULE your quality time with your child. Even if you don’t feel like you “need to”, hear me out.
How would your child feel if they got dedicated one-on-one time with you?
If they’re like any other kid, they will absolutely LOVE it. Scheduling a couple days a month to get intimate time with your child can help so much in feeling present with them! If it can’t be an entire day, remember, as little as 15-30 minutes is sometimes enough time spent to give them the uninterrupted attention they are wanting and deserve.
Take it a step further and plan a special “date” with them.
You can do something fun that they enjoy around their interests, go to a movie, have lunch together, get deep in play at the park, and anything else you can come up with.
For older children, consider having them help with planning!
Make the most of the moments
You got your sleep, scheduling time with your child, and planned out an awesome day. Whoo! The next part is setting yourself up to make the most of the moments with them so they don’t slip away from you.
Try following these tips when the time arrives.
Put your phone away
Seriously though – put your phone down. Text your best friend to let her know you’ll be unavailable if you need to, but put it on silent and focus on spending time with your child. Be fully invested in conversations, notice the hummingbird in the air as you take a walk, and just SOAK IT ALL UP.
Social media, phone calls, texting, etc… it’s a huge distraction. I hate to break it to you, but your child does in fact notice when your nose is in your phone. When I’m being fully present with my children, I don’t have a phone or technology near me to distract not just me, but also them.
I promise it will all still be there later. The world does not need immediate access to you 24/7.
Slow down to enjoy it
It’s easy to feel in a rush as you spend time with your child, planned or not. You have other things to do, people to see, and you need to keep your eye on the clock!
No, just… stop. If you can, slow down so you can enjoy the moment you are in. Take a deep interest in what their life looks like, making them laugh, dancing and being silly together, and enjoy it in all its glory. Do something your kid loves to do, even if it’s as simple as crafting or going for a walk outside.
Spending time with those we love should never feel like something we are rushing through.
Communicate with them
I’ve already touched on this but it’s important to communicate with our children. What have they been up to? Who is their best friend? What subject are they enjoying at school? Of course, younger children won’t have as detailed conversations… but still.
Make conversation about the world around us instead. No conversation is too small.
If you’re stuck, try asking these questions:
What’s your favorite movie/book/color/flower/etc?
If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
What is your favorite thing about yourself?
What do you feel grateful for today?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
What made you laugh today?
Would you rather live in the city or on a farm?
Do you think it’s more important to be rich or kind?
What is the best smell in the world?
This is also a great time to see if anything is bothering them, cultivate good mindset habits, and various other things. Communication is so important when children are young.
Focus on experiences
As easy as it is to rely on gifts and toys, it’s so much more beneficial to focus on crafting experiences with our kids. They won’t remember the special toy you bought (for the most part), but they definitely will remember experiences with you.
This can be something as simple as baking with you while you make silly jokes. Or maybe you go see a special movie with them that siblings have no interest in.
Whatever it is – just make sure you are soaking it all up.
Adapt throughout the day
While planning days is important, it’s not the only opportunity to be present. This also happens throughout the day and we need to be able to adapt, even when it’s hard.
Accept the chaos when it happens
Chaos is part of life and the best thing you can do is accept that not every present moment will be a positive one. Sometimes we have to accept that chaos happens, mess happens, and roll with the punches.
If you need to stop and breathe before you react, do that. But be careful not to “wish away” moments. Rather, embrace them and see them as teaching moments.
Offer your help without distractions
Kids are naturally going to ask for our help and sometimes they do it so they can get more of our attention (especially when it’s something we KNOW they can do themselves). Be careful in getting frustrated and demanding they do it themselves.
Instead, take this as a chance to be present with your child. Put your phone to the side and help them with whatever it is they need or ask for.
Of course, it can’t always go that way. But even once a day can mean the world to a child.
Express gratitude for your child
How often do you tell your child you appreciate them? You are grateful that you have them? You love that you were chosen to be their mommy?
If your answer is never, start today.
This gets us to enjoy them more while also making them feel loved, wanted, and worthy. A habit of expressing gratitude to our children get us to see them for not only the good parts – but the frustrating parts too.
And that mama, is SO VALUABLE.
Final Thoughts
Being present in the moment is hard, but it can be done! Being present is soaking up and enjoying all the moments instead of wishing them away.
Start by planning for quality time in getting enough sleep and scheduling days out with your child. They will LOVE doing something fun with you without anyone else around!
When the time comes around, make sure to put your phone away and focus on not only them, but the world around you too. Focus on creating the best experience possible and talk with your child. Find chances to really talk and get to know each other on a deeper level.
As important as carving out time is, sometimes being present is in the ordinary. Try to accept chaos when it happens, offer your help instead of insisting they do it themselves, and express your gratitude for them so you can enjoy their presence that much more.
Today’s world makes it hard to be present, but it can be done with the right intentions.
Everywhere you look, all everyone is talking about is the Nordstrom Sale, and this year it’s no different. It might be pushed back a few weeks, but it’s still happening. And everyone is talking about it. The sale opens August 7th for early access, and then it opens to the public the 13th-30th of August.
How to stay sane while shopping the Nordstrom Sale and $500 Giveaway!
In years past, I’ve always gone full out and kind of followed other bloggers to see what they are shopping, and what finds they found that I didn’t. I’ve also discovered quite a few new brands through this sale, which I love, adore, and wear daily -> TopShop, Spanx, Zella, and BP to name a few.
However, this year is way different.
I’m still going to be shopping and covering the sale to share some of my favorite finds, but it won’t be like a fire hydrant spraying out everything! It’s going to be very specific to things I’m personally shopping, brands I adore, and tried and true staples for my closet. Pieces I think are staples for everyone, regardless if it’s for today or 3 years down the road. Clothes are necessary, but collecting as many as you can of sweaters, jeans, leggings, and dresses can put a serious strain on so many areas of your life!
Ok, so back to it. I should let you know, as usual, there’s affiliate links in here and if you so choose to purchase with them, I get a small commission and do a happy dance 🙂 And it also keeps my hubby happy that I’m spending time shopping for y’all instead of simply shopping for myself! But I digress….again.
I’ve noticed every year, I see other bloggers covering the Nordstrom Sale that live in places where cold happens so much sooner than in the desert. Because of this, I always want to buy the same super thick things they buy. Yet, I never wear them, until like December here 🙁 And because this isn’t specifically a Nordstrom blog dedicated to only them, I sometimes struggle to get it right. So I will try my best!
I should also let you know, I’ve teamed up with some other blogger friends to gift two people $500 to shop the Nordstrom sale in whatever way they see fit! Here are the details on that!
Giveaway
Ready to shop this year’s Nordstrom Anniversary Sale? We’ve got you covered!
I’ve teamed up with a group of bloggers to give TWO winners
a chance to win a $500 Nordstrom Gift Card!
To enter:complete the steps in the rafflecopter below. The more steps you complete, the more entries you receive, and the better your chance at winning! This giveaway runs until Sunday, August 9th at 12am EST
Winner will be announced on the widget below. Good Luck! *this giveaway is in no way sponsored by Nordstrom.
First thing I will say I’m shopping for is Spanx leggings and workout wear.
If you’ve been following my stories on IG or even on TikTok, you know I have been loving my workout wear! The next thing I want to snag up is clothes and shoes for the girls. They are seriously growing like weeds right now. And if I can get them something on sale, and it still be super cute, I’m all about it!
I will then follow these with Shoes and boots for me. I dig Sam Edelman and every year. They have such a great selection! Dresses are a big item on my list, always. It’s so hot here until at least October early November and even thinking about jeans or a sweater in public makes me sweat now! BP always has the most comfy and affordable white tees that I layer all year long. So those are probably one of my Nordstrom Anniversary Sale hidden gems.
This year, as I’m furnishing 3 homes, (our personal home, and then our 2 Airbnbs/VRBOs). I’m thinking about home decor. I love how soft and luxurious feeling the towels are from Nordstrom. And they last so long! I haven’t really ever shopped for home decor and home items, and this was supposed to be a fashion blog for the Nordstrom sale, oops!
So, you will see lots of giveaways, lots of photos with things people are buying, and I wanted to wrap with this. Even if you see all of these things, take the ideas, and see how the items would fit into your life and closet. If they are pieces you don’t think you would wear or that would just sit in your closet, save your money.
Here’s a few things I’ve added to my wish list which I plan to grab.
If you plan to shop, you can also make a wish list so you can save what you think you’d want, and by the time the sale arrives, you can decide if you still want it or not.
Today I feel it’s necessary to share some very personal related to racism, white privilege, and my own personal story.
These are my emotionally charged thoughts:
As a white woman of privilege, I could have turned out way differently.
I grew up in a small town in Indiana, that happened to be in White County. Back in the 70’s and 80’s the county had signs that upon entering, said “Welcome to White County, let’s keep it that way.” I never understood what that meant.
My dad used to say the N word but would say that there were those of every color. He would tell stories of his childhood of a Polish man who was his boss. He would say they would call him racial term when they were mad.
Again, I didn’t understand.
I didn’t see a black person until 6th grade.
The first black kids moved into our little farm school at that time, and everyone wanted to be his friend. Everyone thought he and his big sister were the coolest. He was the best athlete, all the girls wanted to be his girlfriend.
My brother came out to my parents when I was in 7th grade.
The only memories I have were my mom getting really angry and throwing everything that was his out of the house. And seeing my Dad cry for the first time. Then the only thing talked about were that he would never give them grandkids and carry on the Sargent name. That Christmas, my brother had to buy all the presents to try to ‘win’ them over to get to even come in the house.
Things like racism and gender equality and equal treatment for LGBTQIA weren’t brought up around the dinner table. Heck, emotions or hard things weren’t brought up.
Probably why when my sister announced that she was pregnant at the age of 16 it was also not talked about. Only that she didn’t have an option to not have the baby and to finish school.
I feel like this happens a lot, maybe not, this was my experience though, in small towns.
In college, I had friends of color.
I didn’t think of them any differently than my white friends. I worked with all colors and creeds and never did I consider them different than me. Also, I didn’t consider how hard their life was every day, and the privilege I had either.
My brother started dating a black man when I was a freshman. He really opened my eyes to a lot of the things I missed during my growing up years. Nate helped me understand how to say things, and how not to say things. He also taught me how to do my hair and makeup because that was something I didn’t learn growing up either. Several times, I can remember having a conversation with my Dad. Specifically about using the N word around Nate and how it offended him. And my Dad was as clueless as they come. Not even realizing it was offensive to his potential son-in-law.
My parents always called him ‘colored’ not black. I still correct them, because that’s possibly worse.
Looking back, I blamed it on the way and time he grew up. In the 1960’s, in the north where it was common terms. Where segregation was still happening. That’s not the case today. Yet we have people who still refer and use it as if that’s the case.
During my internship with Back on My Feet Indianapolis, I had the opportunity to connect on a deeper level with the members. Many who were trying to get back on their feet after experiencing homelessness. Many of these members were black and just wanted someone to talk with. Or someone to share an experience with during the morning runs.
In those wee hours of the morning, many still dark, running through some not so great areas of Indianapolis, I felt at home. I felt encouraged and comforted. The men and women who circle up are not out to get you or me. They are human just like you and me. The only ‘problem’ was that maybe they were born with a color on their skin that’s different from you and me.
And that’s the REAL problem.
After having my oldest daughter, Leila, I realize that I became comfortable, maybe even fearful to speak up. I let the white privilege sneak back in. Maybe because there was more at stake; I was a mom. And had someone who depended on me. Black people and people of color may do the exact opposite. They may stand up more because there’s more at stake for their baby’s future.
Finally, I get that.
If I truly want to make the future different for my little girls, and really help them understand what’s at stake, I need to speak up and educate myself. Not just what is shown in school, but what black activists and people of color are saying and putting out. The words they speak are far more clear and true than anything we can read or see in the media.
As a white woman of privilege, I will never know what it’s like to send her kids and husband and brothers and sisters and parents out the door and pray that they come home safely.
As a white woman of privilege, I may not know what it’s like to be judged by the color of my skin or the texture of my hair, before I even open my mouth but I can ensure that stops in my home, and expands outward.
And as a white woman of privilege, the things I get to hear my kids fight and argue and cry about are petty things that don’t matter instead of what racial term was used towards them or how they were profiled or that they were unjustly stopped and arrested or worse for doing nothing wrong. And my heart aches for all of my mama friends who hear this and worse from their babies (no matter age, they are always our babies) on a sometimes daily basis.
Growing up, I had the least privileged life, but because of the color of my skin, it was way easier than those of my black and colored friends’ lives.
I will never understand or even pretend to understand, but I DO stand to end this for today and for our future. The future of humanity. The future of our children. For all the unnecessary lives who have been lost.
All of it has to end. It’s time to unlearn what has been fed down our throats and really open up to educate ourselves with what is right in front of our faces.
As I have been looking for furnishings for our new home, I wanted pieces that would last for a long time, but also transition from one age to the next. The first was with Leila’s room as she’s going to be – dare I say it – a preteen and teenager sooner than I’d like to believe.
When I was searching for her things, I wanted the base to be cute and acceptable for an 8 year old. But also something that would work for her a few years down the road with simply changing the sheets and accessories.
New Bed from Delta Children
Insert this awesome bed from Delta Children! It fits my farmhouse style. But will work for a few years because it’s a twin size!
The bed was easy enough to put together that Leila and I did it by ourselves in an afternoon. And the instructions and tools come in the box. So that was super helpful! It also might have been a bit easier because her room was completely empty because we didn’t move in yet and gave us a ton of extra room that we wouldn’t have normally had.
I love that it can fit multiple ways in a room.
Either against the wall, with side tables, or even have a chaise at the end. For when she’s growing and wanting to change her room around.
For now, we placed it against the wall on one side because she doesn’t have side tables. She and Finlee have so much fun playing and reading in her bed.
This is our temporary home until our forever home is being finished. So the wall colors and curtains are more a neutral aspect that will completely change with her new room. This bed is for that future space. Not this current one.
That being said, I love how the grayish color of this bed fits into this space. And also the more colorful palette we have picked out, proving it’s versatile.
Another great thing about this piece is it’s available at Walmart and Delta Children – making for very easy access to many people.
This bed was the first piece I picked out to move into our current space with aspirations to move into our forever home. I think it really helped solidify my style of Industrial Modern Glam Farmhouse!
My entire life, I’ve always wanted to be straight and flat on every inch of my body.
Straight and flat hair that would be straight to my head and not poofy. Straight legs and chest so I could wear the things I would see on tv and on the mannequins at the store. Flat stomach and muscles because that’s what seemed to get the dates and boys to look at them more.
Except I was made for Texas. Big hair that’s a lot and thick – that NEVER lays flat straight to my face or head. My body shape has curves in all the right places. So I’m learning and never before have really loved.
For most of my entire 32 years, I could have fit in better as a Kardashian sister and their bodies than I do with my own family – except I haven’t ever had a knife touch my body outside of 2 C-Sections which is about to change.
Body Image Issue
I thought that my curves, broad shoulders, booty and thick thighs were a shame and something to hide. And I dressed that way. I would wear flowy and billowy clothes because I thought that was making my body look better. I didn’t understand that an hourglass shape is something to be desired. Ok, maybe in my early 20s before kids and when I was in great shape. I did understand this, but I was definitely doing it for the wrong reasons. Dresses too short and way too see thru to wear outside of the house let alone to a club or to dinner.
But becoming a Mom does a lot to your body that many don’t understand, especially guys. And really other women that seem to bounce back right after baby. And never look like they were pregnant in the first place…
..yeah, they don’t get it either.
So for the rest of us who do get changed during pregnancy and the time after, I didn’t feel like the same person. Post C-Section and lack of sleep are quite the combo that makes you not even really appreciate all the things your body does for you, let alone feel sexy in it. ….. well for me anyways. I didn’t and sometimes don’t understand what my husband sees when he looks at me with all the love and affection he does. There are days still. Almost 4 years post baby that I don’t like the image I see in the mirror.
I still look at my body longing for the pre baby, super fit, small waist, perky breasts that are undamaged. A scarless lower stomach and give it grief for the way it stares back at me in the mirror. Asking why there’s extra cellulite, less muscle tone. Why it doesn’t look good in short dresses like it did ‘back in the day’. For some women, this can lead to disordered eating, the obsessive need for weight loss, and a negative body image. Throw in social media, and these are all prime risk factors to developing an eating disorder.
Another factor we maybe don’t talk about enough is the fact that the way us moms behave and act can start affecting our little girls at a young age. If us moms are strict on the way we treat our bodies and unkind, our little girls can grow up doing the same thing.
But the reality is, my body is pretty great. I have a great shape that looks good in bodycon and athleisure.
It has curves and muscle and can make my husband stop what he’s doing in a second and be completely lost in my presence.
And this year, yep, just this year, I realized that the clothes I was putting on my body aren’t allowing me to put my best body forward. The billowy, drapey clothing were just making my body look like a blob. The shoes I was wearing were making me look clunky. And like my muscular legs didn’t have any definition or length at all. This part wasn’t about body dissatisfaction but more about comfort. I might have had a positive body image, but I really wanted to be comfortable, and the billowy clothing was more comfortable for me.
For 7 years, I’ve been buying clothes and shoes that people who are 21 are buying and I didn’t know any better! I would look at these models and watch tv and see what they were wearing and just get that – except with a muscular, curvy body. As a person who loves a boho life and less structure in my clothing than my morning schedule, it is tough to realize your clothes are the biggest obstacle in your life! Now that I know what shapes and types of clothing fit for my body type, I know what to steer clear of in the store. And what sections I should absolutely go to! I know which brands are good and which aren’t great.
It has made my life much easier!
I may not be the most stylish or fashion forward with the trends. But I know what fits my body and what makes it look good. My confidence has increased, and I feel like I’m not hiding anymore. I feel comfortable in my skin and my clothes wherever I go. I don’t feel like I’m not enough or should hide in the corner anymore because of the way I look. Now, I can also only add key pieces to my closet and keep the rest out!
So, all of this to say that yes, I will be accepting my body as it is, but also that I will try to make it better and ease the stress I’m putting on the inside of my body. Like the organs and joints and muscles.
I’m going to get my breasts reduced and lifted because it will allow my back pain to ease. It will also allow for exercise to return much quicker and easier. This in itself will bring more confidence to me, but most importantly will allow me to do things I haven’t because of pain associated with the weight. I will have my herniated umbilical fixed so there’s no longer discomfort randomly in my stomach.
I’m eating better and doing things that will help reduce the load and cellulite on my body.
So it can be toned and healthy from filling it with good for me things.
The clothes are minor, it’s the other things that will help my body live it’s best for the next 30+ years that are major changes in shape, size, pain level, and health. And the thing we don’t talk about enough, the mental health aspect of life of feeling like you actually belong in your body and can love it.
What are a few things you are working on right now to love you more and more?
I know this might be such a weird post, but stay with me.
A love letter to my Audi..
My Audi was my first experience with luxury and something nice. She was my first introduction to quality leather, high end electronics, and amazing customer service from a dealership.
In November of 2015, I made the decision after returning from our honeymoon to French Polynesia, and an unexpected trip less than 24 hours from returning to Arizona to Indiana for a family death, that I wanted to take the plunge and upgrade from my Nissan Murano.
Now, I was pretty attached to that car as well as it was my first car that I actually paid off the entire payment on without being late or having to refinance. But with 2 car seats, it was a bit small.
So I found the Audi and fell in love with the panoramic sunroof that went all the way back (almost) to the 3rd row seats. I then fell in love with the sparkly gray color. Then the sound system and back up cameras. Then came the amazing leather interior that was the right mix of dark and light. And after having all of our family in town for our wedding and needing to take multiple cars to go ANYWHERE I loved the 3rd row seating, even if it was a bit tight.
After having her for 3 years, and 2 growing kiddos, I quickly found out how much easier leather is to clean when milk or food is spilled than with cloth.
Along with that, I discovered that leather gets quite warm in the summer and cold in the winter, so heated seats came in quite handy! But the air conditioning wasn’t quite as strong as I thought it would be. The warm weather package with the window shades and a cooler setting on the A/C did help quite a bit so I’m forever grateful for that!
I also found that gray exterior color to be more forgiving and able to hide dirt better than the silver color I had previously.
When I drove her, all the bumps seemed to just glide under the car without much notice. The wheels y’all! I loved the rims because they looked sporty and classic at the same time. However, the wheels were quite tight with their plumpness (I don’t quite know how to explain it other than that for the cushion it had over the rim) and I found myself hitting every curb and drive thru corner I went through much to Steve’s chagrin.
As much as I talk about her features and the way she took care of us, I’m really undeserving of her.
I didn’t give her the love and kindness she deserved. I let the kids eat and drink inside, and they are kids. So it was quite messy in the back seat most of the time – borderline disgusting. I didn’t always clean the outside when she was dirty or got left out in the rain or dust whenever that would happen very rarely. I mean, she kept Finlee and I safe with no more than a minor concussion and few months of back adjustments when we got into a minor fender bender last year. She kept us safe and got us to Salt Lake City, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara just to name a few places where I prolly pushed her too hard and she just did her job.
While there are all of these things, I almost feel guilty not keeping her forever and taking better care of her.
But I know it’s time to let her go bless someone else who’s going to take great care of her in her second chapter of car life. So, while I could keep her and continue to put her through life with an almost 8 year old and almost 4 year old, I know there’s someone out there who will give her more love and attention than us. I know they will fix the broken light and the cut in the sunscreen thing because they won’t leave their keys in the car while the car is running. I know they will be proactive in maintenance and keeping her bright and shiny. And I know they will appreciate a previously well loved family car that still has so much love to give to her new owner.
So, sweet girl, thank you for your 3 years of service to our family. Thank you for showing me what a true luxury car and dealership feels like. Thank you for introducing me to the Penske Family. Because they are true professionals in customer service. Thank you for always keeping us safe no matter how hard I pushed and drove you. Thank you for sharing the first part of your car life with us.
Another great thing about this piece is it’s available at Walmart and Delta Children – making for very easy access to many people.
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