Or is there?
I always have considered myself a strong willed woman, even from the days my siblings and I were too young to make our own decisions. Here lately, I’ve noticed that if I give up some of the reigns, I’m able to experience things much easier and with more flow.
Things like allowing others to help me complete a task, asking for help and knowing it’s ok, or accepting the fact that I’m not the greatest decorator. And maybe my minimalist lifestyle isn’t the same for everyone else in my family.
I’ve even gone so far as allow others to help me parent my children when I’m in the same house as them, because I always assumed I needed to parent them better than anyone else. But let’s face it – sometimes allowing someone else to take care of a screaming, angry almost 3 year old is kind of nice.
We all need a break every now and again.
And considering my husband sees the girls about 2 hours a day, right before bedtime, it gets hard sometimes, feeling like I’m doing this parenting thing all alone.
Having someone around who knows me before I knew my husband – before I moved across the country with my oldest without any support, because I can do it all alone (insert strong will much?) – before I became a parent and was a wild early 20 something who had her fair share of fun has been really, really nice.
I didn’t realize how much and how shelled in I had become. A piece of me was pushed down for about 4 years, and wasn’t allowed to see the light of day.
Maybe for fear of not being comfortable with who that person was.
Maybe for fear that she might want more in life than I currently had.
Maybe for fear that she might not like this life.
But after having my brother-in-law here for a month to keep me company, do the girls’ hair each day, help me learn how to cook a bit better, and even teach me a thing or two to decorate my home, I feel like there’s a new fire lit inside of me.
I feel vulnerable.
I feel passionate.
I feel powerful.
I feel that I have a valid opinion in areas that matter for our family as a whole that need to be heard.
I don’t know why for so long I didn’t allow my power to come into my life and my marriage. I guess I felt that if I wasn’t the main breadwinner, I didn’t get to have a say on anything. I honestly settled and felt trapped because I would walk on eggshells nearly daily. I knew that if I wanted to do anything or have anything that I wanted more than was needed for our family, I would have to figure out a way to make my own money.
And I also didn’t want to waste my experience and settling for what I had, even though it is amazing and many people would be extremely happy. I knew I was meant for more, and wanted so much more for me in this lifetime.
So I started my own business partially to grow and learn for myself, but also to help other Mommas who maybe struggling with the same things I went through. And some days struggle with still.
I believe in you sister, and know you are made for so much more and that your desires and dreams are there for a reason. Don’t give up and compromise just because.
Give yourself a shot and see how far you get.
I see you, and I’m here for you.
Xoxo,
AJ
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