How To Be Your Authentic Self
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Former President Theodore Roosevelt
There’s always going to be someone out there who you think you could be just like or do better than, etc. and they may think it’s hurting them or their likeness. But in reality, the person who’s hurting is actually you. And those people who are looking up to you or looking to you are also missing out from you being you. Today, more than ever, I feel like people are trying to fake being authentic, because they are scared to show their authentic self.
And I’m not immune to this either.
For a long time, I thought that I needed to be more like the “successful” people we see in media, or those who live and work around me in the world. So I completely took out my own personality and everything that makes me, me, and then I never got to share who or what I’m about. I was being the fake me, and trying to fit in with those that I THOUGHT I needed to be like. I let the negative thoughts come in and block my personality traits and didn’t stay true to me.
I eventually learned to stop that and let my true self and colors shine. And you know what happened? People actually connected with and listened more than before! I was living in my authenticity and actually creating real connections. Not those inauthentic connections I had previously. If you are concerned to live the life you want, don’t worry, the people who are meant to be there will be. Those who aren’t will fade away into the background.
How To Be Your Authentic Self
Listen, there are so many times where taking the high road and acting like someone else versus living in your authenticity will feel better. But in reality, the growth comes in being vulnerable and opening up. That’s where real human connection happens. Here are a few ways you can be authentic and check yourself when you think maybe you aren’t being authentic.
- Knowing Yourself
- Trusting Yourself
- Learning to meet your own needs
- Giving yourself Space
- Learning to be Uncomfortable
So let’s break it down a bit here, because there’s a lot of information to unpack. And getting out of our comfort zones is so hard, that it’s a great idea to have something to refer back to when times get tough!
Also – None of this is easy, but it’s always right. Even when it doesn’t feel like it! So don’t worry if you are thinking you can’t do this. Everyone struggles, and sometimes slips up. Knowing that you are on the way and committed to it is half the battle.
Knowing Yourself
This is such an important one, and an absolute MUST to continue on down the line. It’s important to figure out the good, the bad, the ugly, and determine what parts of those you want to be a part of your personality. These are things that you would tell your family, your best friend, and what they know you for and can expect from you. There are also times where new things might pop up that you need to know how and if you want this to be part of your authentic self. This is where you need to be uncomfortable being uncomfortable and learn your strengths and weaknesses.
Trusting Yourself
In order to trust others, you must first trust yourself. To make real human connection, you have to let others trust you too, but to do so, we have to know that we can trust ourselves in any situation. I’m not just talking about in relationships with people, I’m talking about all areas of life. If you want to get healthier, you have to trust yourself to not eat the junk food a day after you start the diet. Or you have to trust yourself to stop if you say only 10 chips. (Writing this before lunchtime, obvi I’m a bit hungry!)
If you say you won’t step on the scale every day to be OCD about your progress, you have to trust that you won’t do that. And a little caveat to this – you are going to slip and mess up, you are human. When you do, trust yourself to not be hard on yourself and get back to it. These steps build the foundation to allowing you to trust others and have others trust you. It’s all an integral part of the process of being your authentic self.
Learning to Meet your own Needs
I have been in relationships before that were very dependent upon each other. When I finally realized that maybe I could trust myself, and do the learning and growing to do so, I could finally break free. I finally could let go of my insecurities and the feeling of needing to be compare to others and really let my authentic self shine through. I was finally able to determine which were my needs, and which were the other persons. When I made the distinction, I then learned how to meet my own needs, not for anyone else, but for me. I will say that sometimes, it’s not easy, but really figuring out how to take care of yourself is worth it! And you can then continue learning what your authentic self really is!
Giving Yourself Space
Anyone who tells you they never needed to forgive themselves or go a little easier a time or two on themselves is not living in their authentic self. Living in your Authentic Self means that sometimes you mess up and need to take a step back to reassess. We call this giving yourself space. Sometimes, it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes you push too hard. Sometimes it’s just not the right time. It’s all a learning and growing process, and it’s never ending.
Space could mean that you step back from that particular thing for a certain amount of time. It could mean that you edit and change it to fit your now, not anyone else’s. When you give yourself the opportunity to take space, you are saying it’s ok. And not a bad thing nor are you comparing to others. It’s a chance for you to see things differently. And to grow at the right time for you and no one else.
Learning to be Uncomfortable
People might make fun of you, that’s ok. People might think you are different. That’s ok. People might not agree with everything you say, that’s ok. People might like you for one minute and not the next, that’s ok. What’s not ok is you never being uncomfortable in your life that you are oblivious to everything around you. What’s not ok is that you stay stuck in your perfect little bubble only showing what you think others will like your entire life. And then one day waking up forgetting who and what you actually are.
Choosing to be honest and in your feelings can cause discomfort. But it’s necessary to let people in. Yes, most of the time, it’s uncomfortable. But like I said before, it’s better to be uncomfortable being you, and finding your true happiness first, than trying to compare to others and never finding your authentic self.
With all the pressure to always be on and keep up with everything going on, it’s important we do so out of our authentic self. I hope some of these tips have helped you realize it’s ok to be yourself and not like anyone else! You are one of a kind and you living in your authentic self is what we need.
If there’s anyway I can help support you, please leave me a comment, send me an email, or hop into my DMs. I’m always a listening ear away 🙂
XO,
AJ
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