You are the result of the love of thousands. Honor that, and give gratitude to those who came before you, who made it possible for you to exist.
At some point or another, we say “I don’t want to be like my Mom or Dad,” and then before we know it, we doing things/acting like our parents. Sometimes it’s good, other times, not so great.
I’ve been there too.
Here’s the thing – your parents, grandparents, etc are only doing the best they can to NOT be like their parents. They are trying their best to give and do things for you that they had and didn’t want to continue in their children.
While they are trying to make things better, parts of their past are coming through as well. When we choose to get angry over those who didn’t have all the tools or the awareness that wee do today we are simply giving into the fear and judgement parts of us.
Instead of looking at these incidents as faults or fears, we can take them as an opportunity to learn from the experience and express gratitude for the lesson to be presented in our lives.
I can’t count anymore the number of times I have heard my parents say “Well, we did the best we could with what we had and knew.”
And, for a really long time, I didn’t think that was good enough or acceptable. I thought it was a cop out or an excuse as to the experience I had in childhood.
When I started realizing and looking into my ancestry, I began to understand that was true. I was so concerned with the things I thought I was missing out on, I failed to see the experiences I was given that others weren’t able to experience. As I gave gratitude and love to my childhood, I started to have a different and better relationship with my parents.
The gratitude I gave to my parents went to my grandparents and on down my ancestry. It helped me to understand, give up judgement, and heal my anger and victim mode.
I no longer feel the burden of my past. I’m at peace with my history, and love that I have those experiences to make me who I am. I don’t carry them around like a weight on my shoulders any longer. I have released the weight not only from myself, my parents, or grandparents, but also from my children and their future children.
Are you carrying around more than you bargained for? Let’s book a call and see what all is ready to be released for you and your family.
13 years ago, I joined a platform in the fall of 2005. In my freshman year of college, and very much in my infancy of freedom and adulthood.
Facebook was also in it’s infancy. Back before all the videos, ads, marketing, random PM messages, groups. The days when only those with a college email address could join.
Looking back, no one could have predicted our journeys as they are today. Maybe Zuck saw it for his baby, but I certainly didn’t see mine for me.
When these memories come up and I think back to that time in my life, I had all these hopes and dreams of who I was going to be and how long it would take. I was majoring in Radiology – mostly because I wanted to prove my dad wrong. Because he was ‘old’ and didn’t know anything.
I now appreciate his guidance and opinions.
I wanted the freedom to be me. It was the first time I felt I could finally escape the childhood and past that I deeply wanted to hide. So much so that I started dating a guy much older than me. I was so consumed with is affection and attention that I spent every weekend with him in my dorm or traveling back 2.5 hours, 20 minutes from my parents, at his house. I didn’t do the normal college things often, only 3 times that whole year. I stopped attending classes and actually dropped most of them after the financial aid was released.
I was completely terrible to my roommate, whom I had known since 3rd grade and saw daily in middle and high school since our names were so close together, our lockers were next to each other. I forgot who I was and realize looking back, I had no idea anyways. I was running, I was hiding. And that became my story until about 2011.
Most of those years, I went to community college, worked full time, and dated the same guy who didn’t want to go anywhere with life fast. Because that was safer than returning to face the things of the past. That also meant I could support myself and show everyone I didn’t need them.
I had it all figured out…..at least it appeared on the surface.
Deep down, I had no idea there were hopes and dreams dying a little more every day inside.
At one point, I had so much shame and gilt that I couldn’t take it anymore. So, in typical AJ fashion, I ran. I did things I’m not proud of but realize it was part of my journey.
Running away and not dealing was my escape when backed into a corner with no other foreseeable options. To me, running away was easier than standing and facing the truth. I would have rather carried the burden inside of me with a smile on my face than deal with the truth. Or telling the people I was in a relationship with in any area of my life, to their face.
Looking at the pictures and memories from that time, I don’t recognize that girl. I can see sadness and a cry for help. But I also see the calculations of who and what next move happening.
It’s so easy to compare that to now. It’s so easy to look back and point the fingers and imagine “what if…..”
In reality though, I have no idea where I would be now if I didn’t take those risks or calculate the next thing. I honestly couldn’t have even planned the life I live today, not even a little bit.
I do know for a fact that I am far better and happier today and yesterday and tomorrow because of them. I am forever grateful to have these experiences and opportunities to make mine and those around me’s lives better.
You are allowed to be with your journey too. Stop for a second and just be you. Don’t compare who you were or what you were. Just be present in this moment and listen. Listen to what your body is saying. To what that little voice inside is saying (both good and bad). Then decide where you go from here. It’s completely your choice.
Yep, bulletproof ways to always get where you want in life.
Whether that’s getting in your life, or making a difference in the world, never settle with where you are right now.
Never become so comfortable in your space and life that you forget that things can change in a second. Always strive for more and be looking in your peripheral for what’s coming your way..
Now, I realize these may be bold statements to make, and maybe go against everything you’ve ever been told.
“Stay in your lane and focus on the tasks at hand. Don’t worry about what’s ahead, finish your tasks now and then do that after.”
Or something to that affect. And maybe it was only me they were talking to…?
I don’t recall exactly, but I do know that where I am in my head versus where those people are in real life are quite different. No one but you knows how and when to be satisfied. And if what you are seeing in front of you in life is different than what you are seeing in your dreams/imagination/headspace, then change it!
Only you can do that.
No one else can.
I can tell you that when I was at my lowest point, when I was donating plasma just to keep food on the table for my little girl, I was envisioning a day where we wouldn’t ever have to do that again – a day where we’d never have to worry where our next meal was going to come from.
When I was drowning in debt trying to make a better life for us and didn’t know if we’d make rent, I was keeping in sight the image of a better life. One that didn’t involve needing to worry about money or where it would come from. One where we could do and buy and go whatever and where ever we wanted.
I sold things out of our home that we didn’t need. I cut off services that weren’t critical to our survival. I worked extra jobs and found ways to increase our income so we could get out of the situation we were in.
Situations and hard times are only temporary as long as you see them that way. Today, more-so than any other time, the opportunities to get ahead and create a life you want are ENDLESS. It simply takes getting out of your comfort zone to make a difference.
I’m writing this blog at 6 am because the inspiration came, and I was up anyways. If I tried to store this for later, it would be gone out of my head. Personally, I’m more productive in the mornings than the afternoons. I do all of my research and important things in the morning because by 2 pm, I’m done working for the day, and switch (for the most part) fully into mom and wife mode.
Because I created that. I wanted to spend time doing homework with my girls and taking them to swim lessons or dance or whatever that ends up looking like down the road. Each and every day is a little different depending on when my husband is traveling or home, but I know that in order to keep the life I want and my vision alive (because I’m still not there yet and my vision has grown and developed into more) I have to do things when everyone else is still sleeping or at school/work.
I digress… back to the ways you can get out of and ahead in your situation.
There are so many ways for you to make additional income, if that’s what you are needing right now. Just yesterday, we found that you could make a pretty decent income by becoming a ‘charger or juicer’ for these new motorized scooters from Bird and Lime. Now, if you don’t live in or near a big city, this may not apply and you won’t have ANY idea what I’m talking about.
If you have technical or administrative skills, and have a computer, you could offer to support someone who owns a business virtually as tech support or a Virtual Assistant from the comfort of your own home.
If you are good with words, or love to share your own journey, you can write for a platform called Medium and receive payment for your words being read by other readers. Other sites that you can offer your services on are Fiverr and Upwork.
The opportunities are endless for you to get out of your situation. The question is, do you want to?
Listen, the economy is the economy and unfortunately, we live in one today that is as messed up as the wind on a spring day in Indiana – great one second and the next it’s ice cold. So do yourself a favor and don’t get so comfortable and believe that you would never get fired or you can change the outcome of your life next year. Do it now, while you can still get ahead, and before your dreams are dead.
What do you think? Good ideas or no? I’d love to know what you do to get ahead in your life.
{I originally wrote this back in August 2018 and never pushed publish. So there are a few updates to add}
On May 24th, 2018, we finally completed the American dream. We became homeowners after a 3 year journey!
You are probably expecting to see fully done amazing photos, but that’s not the case. We bought a 1976 house that was still stuck in the late 70s and could have been considered antique.
It took so long because my hubby is in an industry that is similar to Real Estate, so the market is always being watched. And I wanted a fixer and he wanted a move in ready home.
I should also add that at the start of the 3 year journey, we had just opened a local gym (neither one of us knew anything about the Gym space aside from working out in one ourselves) along with just having our baby and getting married. We did, however, find a house that we fell in love with and put an offer out, the week of our wedding, and it got declined. So 2 days before our wedding, our agent called back and said the seller was going to consider our offer because the original couple had to back out because of medical issues. So we had an up and down battle from the beginning. We go on our honeymoon excited and happy the hunt is over… Fast forward to December and closing and the bank says they won’t approve our loan……. talk about heartbroken. So we were kinda gun shy for a while and the gym was taking a TON of our funds until we decided to sell it in late 2017 allowing us to get back into the home buying game.
Anyways, we (mostly me) looked at several houses, and I’m a feelings and vibe kinda gal. And I LOVE looking at houses and the design, choices, and possibilities. So we had offers in on other homes, but they didn’t feel right or work out until this one.
(Also – if you need moral support while going through this process or just to vent and be sad about an unaccepted offer, I’m your girl.)
And our budget was as little as possible.
So, Mamma won! (Because happy wife, happy life, right?!)
Annnnnd because it sits on a 1 acre lot in the city and has a detached garage that Steve loved…
But also has horses for the neighbors, so it was a compromise for sure!
That’s one tip I have in this whole experience. Learning to compromise on what isn’t the most ideal, but not things that are absolutes for you.
We knew we wanted a big lot and house, with a good price, and the additional garage was an added bonus. The horses were not ideal, but the neighbor is older, so they won’t live there forever either.
The first few visits to the house, I thought I was in an episode of Fixer Upper – trying to bring an old house up to date. Or so I wished.
But the more we got into it and the vision and possibilities presented themselves, we knew we were going to be in a bit deeper. And longer.
Because lets be real, what you see on TV is SO FAR from the truth of how long the project actually takes. At first, it was fun and exciting. Then it was a lot. Now, it’s still a lot.
Now, 6 months later and still waiting on the permits it’s still a lot.. but we’ve made a bit of progress in areas that we wouldn’t have thought to do in the beginning and our floor plan is going to be incredible!
But I don’t know that I’d recognize the same house if we didn’t document the journey. We’ve made 2 mortgage payments thus far, and will pay at least 2 more before we can even think about moving in.
We’ve made 7 payments thus far, and are still waiting on our building plans to be approved before we can start putting the place back together.. which could be at least 4-5 months.
And this was just the first weekend of demo!
It’s way different than from the beginning, but the vision and possibilities are becoming more of a reality, and I’ve learned so much in this part of the journey.
Huge changes right?! I will continue to update as the progress keeps going and we make decisions as to what we should do and companies we are going with so you can get ideas.
When I first moved to Arizona, I wouldn’t have ever thought one of our favorite places to go would be an aquarium. Except I didn’t know how hot it would be in the summers, and how quickly dark would fall at night.
Now that we’ve been through a few summers and winters, I do.
Even still, if I let these yahoos stay out all day and night in the summer, they’d most likely do it, but the second dark falls, they are inside. So fall and winter are a bit tricky because we don’t leave the house much after dark.
But, when I said we have to go see the ‘Monster Fish’ in partnership with National Geographic at Odysea Aquarium at 5:30 on Friday, what do you think happened?
Of course they didn’t care that it was going to be almost dark when we went and pitch black when we got out, oh no! They were so excited to get to go to one of the attractions that we’d already been to twice this year already and Leila went to for her school field trip in the spring.
They couldn’t wait to go!
Finlee asked me every day leading up to going if today was the day… I couldn’t wait to tell her that “YES, today’s the day!”
I have to tell you, the excitement of them walking up to the location and going inside to see the fish in the tanks was enough to make my heart so happy. Then, them racing up the escalator, barely pausing enough to let it work, with zero time for a photo, with my husband clutching their little hands, was pretty precious.
It was nice to be able to go and not have to rush or worry about the time, or somewhere we had to go. We got to enjoy the exhibit and also our time together.
There were little (actually big) fish along the way with fun, interactive games for families to play, and of course the usual suspects made their appearances sprinkled in with some new fish and sea life.
If you desire to go into the tank with the fish, they have a sea experience, which you get to put on a suit and get into the tank like you were diving in the open ocean with them. And let me tell you, as someone who’s done that, (see this video on Youtube), this seems MUCH safer and controlled. And these fancy helmets make it seem super safe.
The sting rays are always a sight to see, and in the open tanks, you can put your hands in and ‘pet’ them(supervised by a staff member of course).
Of all the times we’ve visited, we’ve never seen a penguin outside of their habitat, and for a second, we got to see one! We happened upon it when they were getting ready to put her back up, and she did NOT want to go!
She wanted to come back and play with the kiddos, which was so cute and awesome to see.
We ended down on the lower level and finished the tour saying ‘Hi’ to ALL of the Nemos and learning about the different types of Clown Fish.
Finlee, to this day, still doesn’t understand that the Dory’s are in a different tank, and that we did see them. Alas, she still said bye to both Nemo and Dory when we left this area.
To be that innocent again…. I can’t even imagine. But I also don’t know how to break that in her? I’m open to all suggestions!
Then on to the Jelly Fish tank, which I thought maybe I was the only one fascinated by them, but it appears my entire crew shares the same sort of fascination as I do. I mean, look at them, you can see right through them – their organs, everything. Yet they have the power to potentially kill you. Anyone else think that is just amazing? And they are so graceful on top of it!
Last but not least, I got to see my favorite fish of all time – the Angel Fish. They only live in Salt water otherwise I might have started a fish tank full of them at my house.
I’ve always been amazed by these amazing fish. I can’t explain it, maybe it’s like Finlee’s obsession with the Clown Fish (Nemo). They are so graceful and most often, they don’t break that trailing thing on top of them, which I maybe envy a bit. If I were a fish, I’d love to be one of these Angel Fish.
And we couldn’t escape without someone asking for a toy and trying to get a good picture 🙂
Finlee didn’t take a nap and it was a lot of walking for her, close to bedtime, so this was as good as it got! And telling her we weren’t getting any toys after the photo didn’t work in our favor either…. oh well! We got memories of going and spending the time together as a family.
Monster Fish was such a fun exhibit, we can’t wait to go back and see the big fish again and their friends!
Check their hours and grab your tickets ahead of time HERE to avoid the line and get right in the door. I recommend getting a yearly pass as it is MUCH cheaper if you plan to visit more than once (wish I would have done this the first visit 🙁 )
py. Then, them racing up the escalator, barely pausing enough to let it work, with zero time for a photo, with my husband clutching their little hands, was pretty precious.
their appearances sprinkled in with some new fish and sea life.
it when they were getting ready to put her back up, and she did NOT want to go!
We ended down on the lower level and finished the tour saying ‘Hi’ to ALL of the Nemos and learning about the different types of Clown Fish.
Last but not least, I got to see my favorite fish of all time – the Angel Fish. They only live in Salt water otherwise I might have started a fish tank full of them at my house.
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