Body Image Issue

by ajohnson | Jun 14, 2019 | Blog, Life, Motherhood, Opinion

My entire life, I’ve always wanted to be straight and flat on every inch of my body.

Straight and flat hair that would be straight to my head and not poofy. Straight legs and chest so I could wear the things I would see on tv and on the mannequins at the store. Flat stomach and muscles because that’s what seemed to get the dates and boys to look at them more.

Except I was made for Texas. Big hair that’s a lot and thick – that NEVER lays flat straight to my face or head. My body shape has curves in all the right places. So I’m learning and never before have really loved.

For most of my entire 32 years, I could have fit in better as a Kardashian sister and their bodies than I do with my own family – except I haven’t ever had a knife touch my body outside of 2 C-Sections which is about to change.

Body Image Issue

I thought that my curves, broad shoulders, booty and thick thighs were a shame and something to hide. And I dressed that way. I would wear flowy and billowy clothes because I thought that was making my body look better. I didn’t understand that an hourglass shape is something to be desired. Ok, maybe in my early 20s before kids and when I was in great shape. I did understand this, but I was definitely doing it for the wrong reasons. Dresses too short and way too see thru to wear outside of the house let alone to a club or to dinner.

But becoming a Mom does a lot to your body that many don’t understand, especially guys. And really other women that seem to bounce back right after baby. And never look like they were pregnant in the first place…

..yeah, they don’t get it either.

So for the rest of us who do get changed during pregnancy and the time after, I didn’t feel like the same person. Post C-Section and lack of sleep are quite the combo that makes you not even really appreciate all the things your body does for you, let alone feel sexy in it. ….. well for me anyways. I didn’t and sometimes don’t understand what my husband sees when he looks at me with all the love and affection he does. There are days still. Almost 4 years post baby that I don’t like the image I see in the mirror.

I still look at my body longing for the pre baby, super fit, small waist, perky breasts that are undamaged. A scarless lower stomach and give it grief for the way it stares back at me in the mirror. Asking why there’s extra cellulite, less muscle tone. Why it doesn’t look good in short dresses like it did ‘back in the day’. For some women, this can lead to disordered eating, the obsessive need for weight loss, and a negative body image. Throw in social media, and these are all prime risk factors to developing an eating disorder. 

Another factor we maybe don’t talk about enough is the fact that the way us moms behave and act can start affecting our little girls at a young age. If us moms are strict on the way we treat our bodies and unkind, our little girls can grow up doing the same thing.

But the reality is, my body is pretty great. I have a great shape that looks good in bodycon and athleisure.

It has curves and muscle and can make my husband stop what he’s doing in a second and be completely lost in my presence.

And this year, yep, just this year, I realized that the clothes I was putting on my body aren’t allowing me to put my best body forward. The billowy, drapey clothing were just making my body look like a blob. The shoes I was wearing were making me look clunky. And like my muscular legs didn’t have any definition or length at all. This part wasn’t about body dissatisfaction but more about comfort. I might have had a positive body image, but I really wanted to be comfortable, and the billowy clothing was more comfortable for me. 

For 7 years, I’ve been buying clothes and shoes that people who are 21 are buying and I didn’t know any better! I would look at these models and watch tv and see what they were wearing and just get that – except with a muscular, curvy body. As a person who loves a boho life and less structure in my clothing than my morning schedule, it is tough to realize your clothes are the biggest obstacle in your life! Now that I know what shapes and types of clothing fit for my body type, I know what to steer clear of in the store. And what sections I should absolutely go to! I know which brands are good and which aren’t great.

It has made my life much easier!

I may not be the most stylish or fashion forward with the trends. But I know what fits my body and what makes it look good. My confidence has increased, and I feel like I’m not hiding anymore. I feel comfortable in my skin and my clothes wherever I go. I don’t feel like I’m not enough or should hide in the corner anymore because of the way I look. Now, I can also only add key pieces to my closet and keep the rest out!

 

So, all of this to say that yes, I will be accepting my body as it is, but also that I will try to make it better and ease the stress I’m putting on the inside of my body. Like the organs and joints and muscles.

I’m going to get my breasts reduced and lifted because it will allow my back pain to ease. It will also allow for exercise to return much quicker and easier. This in itself will bring more confidence to me, but most importantly will allow me to do things I haven’t because of pain associated with the weight. I will have my herniated umbilical fixed so there’s no longer discomfort randomly in my stomach.


I’m eating better and doing things that will help reduce the load and cellulite on my body.

So it can be toned and healthy from filling it with good for me things.

 

The clothes are minor, it’s the other things that will help my body live it’s best for the next 30+ years that are major changes in shape, size, pain level, and health. And the thing we don’t talk about enough, the mental health aspect of life of feeling like you actually belong in your body and can love it. 

 

What are a few things you are working on right now to love you more and more?

A love letter to my Audi..

by ajohnson | Jun 6, 2019 | Blog, Life, Opinion

I know this might be such a weird post, but stay with me.

A love letter to my Audi..

My Audi was my first experience with luxury and something nice. She was my first introduction to quality leather, high end electronics, and amazing customer service from a dealership.

In November of 2015, I made the decision after returning from our honeymoon to French Polynesia, and an unexpected trip less than 24 hours from returning to Arizona to Indiana for a family death, that I wanted to take the plunge and upgrade from my Nissan Murano.

Now, I was pretty attached to that car as well as it was my first car that I actually paid off the entire payment on without being late or having to refinance. But with 2 car seats, it was a bit small.

So I found the Audi and fell in love with the panoramic sunroof that went all the way back (almost) to the 3rd row seats. I then fell in love with the sparkly gray color. Then the sound system and back up cameras. Then came the amazing leather interior that was the right mix of dark and light. And after having all of our family in town for our wedding and needing to take multiple cars to go ANYWHERE I loved the 3rd row seating, even if it was a bit tight.

After having her for 3 years, and 2 growing kiddos, I quickly found out how much easier leather is to clean when milk or food is spilled than with cloth.

Along with that, I discovered that leather gets quite warm in the summer and cold in the winter, so heated seats came in quite handy! But the air conditioning wasn’t quite as strong as I thought it would be. The warm weather package with the window shades and a cooler setting on the A/C did help quite a bit so I’m forever grateful for that!
I also found that gray exterior color to be more forgiving and able to hide dirt better than the silver color I had previously.

When I drove her, all the bumps seemed to just glide under the car without much notice. The wheels y’all! I loved the rims because they looked sporty and classic at the same time. However, the wheels were quite tight with their plumpness (I don’t quite know how to explain it other than that for the cushion it had over the rim) and I found myself hitting every curb and drive thru corner I went through much to Steve’s chagrin.

As much as I talk about her features and the way she took care of us, I’m really undeserving of her.

I didn’t give her the love and kindness she deserved. I let the kids eat and drink inside, and they are kids. So it was quite messy in the back seat most of the time – borderline disgusting. I didn’t always clean the outside when she was dirty or got left out in the rain or dust whenever that would happen very rarely. I mean, she kept Finlee and I safe with no more than a minor concussion and few months of back adjustments when we got into a minor fender bender last year. She kept us safe and got us to Salt Lake City, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara just to name a few places where I prolly pushed her too hard and she just did her job.

While there are all of these things, I almost feel guilty not keeping her forever and taking better care of her.

But I know it’s time to let her go bless someone else who’s going to take great care of her in her second chapter of car life. So, while I could keep her and continue to put her through life with an almost 8 year old and almost 4 year old, I know there’s someone out there who will give her more love and attention than us. I know they will fix the broken light and the cut in the sunscreen thing because they won’t leave their keys in the car while the car is running. I know they will be proactive in maintenance and keeping her bright and shiny. And I know they will appreciate a previously well loved family car that still has so much love to give to her new owner.

So, sweet girl, thank you for your 3 years of service to our family. Thank you for showing me what a true luxury car and dealership feels like. Thank you for introducing me to the Penske Family. Because they are true professionals in customer service. Thank you for always keeping us safe no matter how hard I pushed and drove you. Thank you for sharing the first part of your car life with us.

Xo,

AJ

The book that teaches you how to cook like your Grandma did

The book that teaches you how to cook like your Grandma did

by ajohnson | May 23, 2019 | Blog, Health, Home, Life, Motherhood

For anyone that knows me well, knows that I like good food, but most days, I’m a simple cook.

If I don’t order it, it may come in a box, a cup, a bowl, or something similar. If none of these, then it’s fresh, raw fruit or veggie.

That being said, for me to make an elaborate, multi-step meal with multiple courses isn’t realistic.

I’ve tried and partnered with nearly every meal prep and delivery service out there. And still, meal time is a struggle for me nightly. And if I’m being honest, like I always am, the idea of making meals and dinner stresses me out more than most things in my life. I know that if I had a personal chef that would make the things I need to eat (like fruits and veggies) it wouldn’t be a problem.

If this person would also cook for my husband and children, I know it would take a lot of stress off my life.

The book that teaches you how to cook like your Grandma did

So, when I was offered to test out this new book, “The Anti-Cook Book” by Shelley Onderdonk and Rebecca Bloom, I was intrigued by the title. Easy, Thrifty Recipes for Food-Smart Living it goes on to say…

The book that teaches you how to cook like your Grandma didAs I dug deeper and deeper into the book, I realized that any and everyone could use this book successfully. Because we all have little time and we all have to eat. These two moms, wives, and career women teach the readers that no matter your status, age, budget, background, makeup, anything else socioeconomic status wise –

You can do this!

Even for those of us who pretend to know what they are doing with our nutrition and in the kitchen (ME too).

The book is sprinkled with personal stories and easy, simple recipes with minimal instructions needed. And a bit of spunk and quirk along the way keeps you (it did me anyway) interested in the story and reasoning for the choices made in the book. Another sprinkling throughout the book that usually goes with a story:: Real text message conversations from the authors’ lives.

It supports the story and also that they know what they are doing.

The book that teaches you how to cook like your Grandma did

Most of the cook books I’ve ever owned or seen have a full page, or very near full page, dedicated to a single recipe. This book combines story, ideas for using the recipe, proof it’s a great one, and then the recipe in short form. All on the same page. Incredible work and less intimidating for those of us (ME too) who don’t even want to open a recipe book because they are already checked out of the process.

Throughout the book are useful tips like planning meals for the whole week, without spending hours on end in the kitchen making them. Or when is appropriate to use Google because I know y’all pull out your phone or ask Siri whether you want to admit it or not!

asy, Thrifty Recipes for Food-Smart Living The book that teaches you how to cook like your Grandma did

It’s the perfect time of the year to gift this book to a Grad or a Dad in your life, or heck, an overwhelmed, underblessed Martha Stewart Mamma (also Me) who just wants to make their life a bit easier.

 

Grab the link here and get yourself and those who need this the most a copy. (It’s the cheapest cookbook I’ve ever seen!)

And leave me a comment letting me know your cooking/Martha Stewart style too. I’d love to know where you stand on this and if this book is on target or way off the mark for you!

Why you should consider the Perfect Toys that have withstood Generations

Why you should consider the Perfect Toys that have withstood Generations

by ajohnson | Apr 18, 2019 | Blog, Motherhood, Opinion

With the increasing use of technology and the decreasing age at which children start learning technology, it’s becoming difficult to connect any toy in a past generation and keep interest for very long.

That’s where LEGO’s come in!

No matter what, even in technological games, you have to use your imagination and create something new. And that’s all LEGO’s have ever been about!

Why you should consider the Perfect Toys that have withstood Generations

I remember as a kid having a HUGE blue bucket full of all different shapes, sizes, and colors of LEGO’s that my siblings and I could spend HOURS creating whatever we wanted. I usually built a house that was very elaborate (big surprise that I love architecture and imagining what the house could be now, right?!). While my siblings built cars and such (also very telling to today’s interests.)

Since Leila was little, she’s always loved LEGO’s and has a table with little pockets to store her creations and extra pieces in her room. Now that Finlee’s showing an interest, I thought it would be perfect to partner with LEGO to showcase the new and classic options for World Creativity and Innovation Week.

Why you should consider the Perfect Toys that have withstood Generations

Why you should consider the Perfect Toys that have withstood Generations

Why you should consider the Perfect Toys that have withstood Generations Why you should consider the Perfect Toys that have withstood Generations

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leila got to build the new, LEGO friends collection as it has specific directions to ensure the shop is sturdy and stays together. Finlee played with the classic collection that’s seen a bit of an update and comes with pieces that have eyes and wheels.

It was super fun to be able to help them and tell stories of my siblings and I spending hours playing with our LEGO’s but also fun to watch their little minds work and put together all the pieces to their creations. And when Grandma came over, she could then tell her stories of playing with LEGO’s herself.

After they built their creations, they played with them for the next couple hours and even continued on with them for the next few days, taking a piece or a part along with them in the car. They still held up and didn’t break! I call that a win for no tears and unhappy kiddos!

If you are needing a new toy to help your kiddos take a break from the technology, but still get their creativity going, I highly encourage you to revisit LEGO’s as they will help in also developing their fine motor skills, which is important for school learning just as much as technology!

 

LEGO stories LEGO stories

What are your favorite LEGO stories from when you were growing up?

Embracing the Feminine Within

by ajohnson | Mar 31, 2019 | Beauty, Blog, Opinion

Embracing the Feminine Within

I didn’t think I had an ounce of feminine in my body, and honestly fought it for so long.

I also believe this is why I was blessed with two girls instead of a boy and a girl.

Let me explain…

For a really long time, I struggled to relate to the things I would see feminist’s doing on tv. I thought the marches and the sign wearing (I can’t remember the name right now) or protests were a waste of time, and energy.

And honestly, I didn’t and still don’t think its a good expression or way to handle the situation. I’d rather do something about it, in a way that makes a difference.

But I didn’t think I needed to have a community or a support system either…. so it could be that too 🤷🏼‍♀️

Embracing the Feminine Within

I have always been the first to let the tears flow and also the first person to shy and hide when it was time to share emotions or show someone the real me. (My now husband so lovelingly reminded me MANY more times than I can count when we were dating to let him in and trust him.)

I envied those women who had a group of girlfriends to go out with or have lunch dates that I would see while I was sitting all alone pretending to work on my phone. Secretly envious of their laughs, their smiles, and their relationships. I longed for that, and also didn’t long for the ‘drama’ that comes along with girls. (Clearly my mind assumes that everyone, no matter their age, is a petty high school girl.)

Even though I longed to have meaningful relationships with women, I was blocking them everywhere I turned. And my inner girl couldn’t have fought me harder. I would be placed in situations where a very feminine and in touch with herself woman would come into my life. And I would avoid her like the plague. I would make up some excuse as to why I didn’t like her.

But, I would be very drawn to the gay men, and almost a bit jealous of them too.

They had the masculine already and found a way to get in touch on a way I had NO idea that was possible with their femininity. To this day, I have more gay friends than girlfriends. Which I’m still working to receive balance on.

And the Universe works in funny ways… when I was at my lowest moment and needing something to save me, something to get me back in touch with who I am, and ultimately, my feminine, she sent me a daughter.

And what did I do with this blessing?

I was still reckless with my actions. I only found out I was pregnant because I blacked out while playing on a slip and slide with the kids at the day camp I was a counselor at for a summer. Because I blacked out and got a concussion because I didn’t eat enough to keep my blood sugar up..

I decided that because my ‘plan’ wasn’t complete (college graduate, married, own a home, all before the age of 22). And I didn’t feel worthy of having this baby. So, I hid it until I couldn’t any more. I was ashamed with my actions. That the dad wasn’t perfect, that I didn’t feel prepared to be a good mom, that I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to provide for her.

I think I was most terrified because we don’t want to be the same kind of parent we received as a child.
I’ve since realized and learned that our parents felt the same way. And they did the best they could with the knowledge that they had.

And, I wouldn’t change my childhood, it made me the person I am today.

So, I went to many doctors appointment alone. I named her on my own. I was ill. A lot, on my own. I was miserable on my own. Until the last few months, when I told people I was having a baby, and how soon, they were able to support and help me. I have only 1 photo of me with a pregnant belly, and it’s not even fully my belly as I’m trying to hide it as much as possible. Not that I would have allowed it anyways — my self worth at the time was at an all time low and a photo documenting anything would have been out of the question.

The day Leila was born, my whole life changed. She saved me from being lost. She was a perfect baby, so so beautiful. The person I chose to be her father, not her biological father, was a huge support to us. To this day, he is daddy.


Leila pushed me to do things I’d never done before. And gave me reason to want to be a woman, and to connect with other women.
She gave me a will to want to be better, to do better. She helped me find me as a person, and as a woman. And she gave me love when I didn’t know what that felt like. She allowed me to love when I hadn’t ever felt that in my life.

She reminded me to love myself and that it’s ok to be a mom, and to be me, whatever that was at the time.

Leila also allowed me the space to realize I didn’t want to go on through life as a follower or a person who listens to others and follows orders.
She got me out of my shell and reminded my creative, feminine, emotional self to rise to the occasion.

She went to work with me and helped me to learn valuable skills in a position that was all very new to my family. In a space that was recently booming and gaining force when the crash from 2008 was finally hitting the ground running in 2011. We spent more time together and she was a friend that understood and allowed me to be vulnerable. Without this, I don’t know if we would have made it so far. In both work and as people. Looking back, 2011 – 2013 was a period I don’t remember a lot of, other than helping things grow – people, business, and myself.

As I was finding myself, I knew there was more out there for us. So I took a chance and left everything I’d ever known behind. I moved across the country to interview for a company that was a bit larger in size than the previous one. I met my now husband and was thrown into his business, where I played many roles, as small business owners often do, but allowed me to be around many different types of people. People who were all on my path for a reason. People who each taught me something or another. I found myself shutting down the feminine in me.

And wouldn’t you know it, the Universe has a funny way of reminding us not to shrink, instead to shine.

Along came Leila’s sister, Finlee.

Leila is an Aries, and Finlee’s a Taurus. If you know anything about Astrology, these two are very strong willed.
Finlee is beautiful. And very much in balance of the masculine and feminine energies.
She’s not afraid to tell you NO when she isn’t in alignment with something or someone, she will voice her opinion or let you know she needs you at any time. And she loves to dance, color, sing, and be anything and everything all at once.

She’s my reminder that there is a possibility of balance and that it isn’t a bad thing.

Society is so strict and judgmental when they feel you aren’t doing things the way they think you should. And for a long time, I let that rule me.

Not now.

I owe it to myself, first and foremost, my girls, my husband, and my sisters to find that balance. To find that place where we can be feminine and masculine and have what we want in this life.

I and WE owe it to the future women who will come to this planet to own our Feminity and know that what society says that looks like, isn’t the only way for it to look.

It can be messy.

It doesn’t have to make sense.

And it can take time.

It can have YOU infused into it.

Only YOU get to decide what that looks like for you.

Are you with me?

 

xoxo,

AJ